The Pleasure of Gaslighting Black Women on Reality TV

I see a recurring pattern on reality TV: a narcissist abuses a Black woman. The Black woman is gaslighted, and the narcissism is rationalized as the woman’s just desserts. Take Porsha’s Family Matters (Bravo). This past episode was painful to watch. There was yelling. A lot of standing up. Blows were thrown. What happened before the physical altercation is what got my attention: Porsha observed, firsthand, Dennis’s interactions with her younger cousin, Storm. As Dennis stated in his confessional, he’d only seen Storm come around Porsha once a year on holidays in the five years he’s known Porsha. It seems that seeing the consistent treatment in-person caused an alarm to go off for Porsha when Dennis shouted at Storm to “shut the fuck up” for the second time. 
 
The sirens went off immediately for me when details of Dennis’s working relationship with Storm and his sexual relationship with another employee were disclosed. It is my understanding that Dennis is not a manager, hired as a waitress is hired; he is the owner of several establishments. Even if these relationships are consensual, an employee-boss relationship always entails disparate power dynamics. You have a horrible manager, complain to HR. If you have an issue with the owner, you’re fired. Not only are you fired, but the owner has the power to tarnish your reputation amongst other owners who comprise their network. I refrained from writing about this seeming sex-power imbalance to avoid putting out that kind of energy regarding the father of Porsha’s daughter. Now that Storm has openly characterized her experiences with Dennis as sexual harassment, I can say that it walks like a duck, and it quacks like a duck. Why does he seem so entitled to the obedience, gratitude, and respect of Storm, a 23-year-old woman?
 
Dennis appears as a textbook narcissist. I do not know him, nor am I a therapist. My impression is purely speculative. However, a narcissist is amiable, funny, easy-going, an all-around people person. They use their emotional intelligence to secure friends and to prey upon people. Londie made clear for viewers the longstanding rift in Porsha’s family: It’s the Williams, the upper middle-class, educated, and cultured offspring of the civil rights hero, Hosea Williams. And there’s the “country bumpkins,” to use Londie’s words, aka Porsha’s mother’s side of the family. It appears that Dennis and his mother, recognizing this longstanding familial divide, have cozied up to the Williams’ side and fuel discontent. 
 
Porsha’s family is complicit. We heard Aunt Liz tell Dennis’s mother that she needs to get to the know the “real” Williams family. Boundary violation. We saw Dennis use Londie and Lauren to do his bidding and remove from Porsha’s home without her knowledge or consent a robe that belongs to him. Boundary violation. We saw Dennis feed dissension between Londie and Porsha when he asked Londie why does Porsha treat her badly. Boundary violation. There have been too many instances of what I consider narcissistic abuse and manipulation in this series, let alone episode, to itemize. Overall, it’s clear Dennis senses the wound this family carries regarding men. The Williams family lost both Porsha’s father and grandfather within years of each other, and this family has been looking for men to fill this void, problematically exalting any man, even a man who is an apparent walking red flag like Dennis. 
 
The fans love Dennis. According to social media users he’s carrying the show on his back. He and his mother need a spin-off. Very few are calling out this man’s toxic behavior for what it is. He shows no empathy for hurting Porsha; instead, he and his mother attack her for discussing her pain. He takes no accountability for cheating on Porsha; rather, he blames Dom for telling Porsha Dennis's lounge rehired the employee with whom he cheated. Still, not the viewers, not social media bloggers, not Porsha’s sister Lauren, cousin Londie, nor Aunt Liz hold him responsible. Instead, Porsha is blamed for not taking accountability. It’s not clear for what—leaving toxic Dennis?

We’ve seen this gaslighting of Black woman before. The part that is triggering is how it’s justified. Gizelle Bryant of The Real Housewives of Potomac (Bravo) frequently targets other women castmates by bringing on to the platform false rumors about their families. Her first victim was Monique Samuels, then Wendy Osefo. Viewers, bloggers, TV hosts, and former Housewives producers say, “Gizelle understands the assignment,” and Wendy and Monique should have known what they signed up for. On The Real Housewives of New York City (Bravo), Ramona Singer and Luann de Lesseps labeled Ebony K. Williams “angry” because she stated the fact she has most formal education. The viewers and notable talk show host Wendy Williams blamed Ebony for making race an issue on Housewives. Hop over to the OWN Network, and we see the show’s producer of Love & Marriage: Huntsville tell Melody Holt that she was not “enough” to keep her husband from cheating. On Ready to Love, contestant Shiloh details how she requested space from her date Phil, and, instead of granting this space, he literally picked her up and carried her back to the car. Social media users stated Shiloh was overacting and ought to apologize to Phil, who was simply protecting her. These instances lead me to the conclusion that viewers not only get pleasure from gaslighting Black women, but these shows are largely premised upon the narcissistic abuse and gaslighting of Black women.
 
When I watch the episode “Spilling the Tea-quila” of Porsha’s Family Matters, I see a woman recognizing for the first time that her former partner has been subjecting her cousin to the abuse that Porsha has endured from many men but explained away. And the indignation that Porsha displays, not Dennis’s antics, is in my view more than justified. While I recognize reality TV viewers are not representative of the entire Black population, especially as ratings steadily decline, it still troubles me that the viewers active on social media take so much pleasure in seeing Black women abused and gaslighted.